Have you ever found yourself in a place where things just feel FUNKY?
That place where it just seems like everything is just a mess, and you want to just throw your hands up in the air and either say;
I QUIT! Or…
I’M LISTENING NOW!
Forever, I have always wanted to have a cause as to why I maybe going through some hardship, why things are not going my way, an explanation for when things are different than how they are “supposed” to be.
Forever – I have desired this and fought God over and over on why?
Why did my daughter pass away after believing and praying for months for a miracle?
Why did my dad recently die with all the people who were linked in their faith?
Why has this year been a combination of 8 deaths, 20k in losses, 6 urgent care visits, 3 bouts with the flu for the WHOLE family, 3 vehicles dying on me, 1 tree on the barn – and that is just the battles at home!
Why why why???
Can I be honest (well, I will be whether you say yes or no), I thought I had everything figured out. I thought I had every situation accounted for until this year…
Here was my theory – each thing is either;
- 1. Attack from the enemy (a favorite amount us charismatics)
- 2. Curse on this earth (the world is bathed in sin – so there are diseases, tragedies, etc)
- 3. My own fault
and my new one – – –
For years I fought this philosophy with the thinking that –
God is such a good God, He always wants the best for us!!!
And…. that statement was more true than I have been willing to admit.
We just like to think that the only tools God uses in our lives are blessings and fruitfulness. But, I believe I have been wrong for a long time on this one.
- Could I be cursing the very thing that God is using to bring me to the place of KNOWING His greatness and TRUSTING Him?
- Could it be that I am counting things as “cursings” that are actually the salvation of the Lord being manifested in my life – but I don’t know how to truly trust Him?
I have read James 1 about 40 times over the last three weeks as a prep to my time with God in the morning, and as a family we have been memorizing it – because in this season, we need to see that our vision has been very shallow, and our view of God has been very limited!
James 1: 1 James, a bondservant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad: Greetings. 2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces [a]patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be [b]perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Haha – I am sitting here reading that in my current state and it just brings me joy! Count it all joy. You know it is hard to count something as JOY when we are feeling entitled! Oh, man, God – please forgive me for the times that I have battled the wrong battle. For the times that I have fought against the things I see, the outward markers that I call “God” or not. The results that I measure according to what I think I know of You.
God you are more than my mind is able to comprehend and if you say to count it joy when I fall into divers temptations and various trials – then I better count it JOY!
I choose Joy – I choose to trust YOU
I choose to not even look at my circumstances anymore – God, keep testing my faith, keep testing my faith so that what I pass on to my children and all that you have given us to disciple will learn patience, will see the example of patience. The graciousness that you have given me – to be given to others (and back to myself).
I choose Joy – I choose to trust YOU.
Ok, so it is obvious that I have been going through a bit of a reformation in my heart of who God is in my life. No longer can I categorize Him as anything – I have to remove all the boxes that I have created and just trust God in this season. The ‘hell’ that we have been going through is not a marker of God’s hand being on it, and He never intended it to be a marker – in fact He has told us throughout His word that our perfection doesn’t come from the laying on of hands, it doesn’t come from praying away everything that we don’t “like”. It comes from going through “it”.
So bring it on – I want to be a father in the faith, passing on the hunger for YOU GOD to all those around me!
Be blessed all and thanks for reading!
Oh, and it wasn’t God’s fault that my dad died… 🙂